rainy tears go away from my life

im having a big problem.my eyes are swollen as i cant stop crying.lately my life is miserable and i need a place to confess everything.i never been this sad before.as u know im studying in maktab ipoh.yesterdayy i've got a call from mara that i passed the interview so they called to inform me to register on 19 july at kolej mara seremban.i told my mom thinking she might give me some time to think bout it.my mom said okayy u think first and make a decision.last night my dad called to tell me that i should be staying here as im working under government not a department.okayy im crying thinking how my life has been decided by my parents.i told my mom to call mara to ask more details bout this things.then i knew just now the offered is for overseas means i have to stdy at kms for 2 yrs then i will fly to new zealand for 4 yrs if my pointers achieve their target.my mom and dad didnt allow me to leave this maktab.im fine with it but to stdy overseas is my dream since i was small.when i told my mom that is my dream she asked me to go there for holiday when im working later.to be honest im so frustrated.staying alone in this room makes my eyes teary again.i hope someone will understand me but i guess no one will never understand me.most of my friend said that it has fated for me to be here.i dont care if i have to stay here like 20 yrs as im comfortable staying here.i've got many understanding friends but it is my dream.is it wrong for me to chase my dream?when im sitting for spm they told me to get straight a's to stdy overseas but when i got it they asked me to follow their decision.im not talking bad bout my parents but im so dissapointed of them.u have got no idea how frustrated i am.i hope time can cure everything that i will delete this stupid decision form my life.i dont want to regret this later when i have kids.

homesick :(

its 12.15 pm and i couldnt sleep.i was chatting wit sya2 talking bout things in the past.she made me cry when she talked bout hw we used to hang out,hw she missed all of us.to be honest im freakin sensitive when u talk bout friends.see im cryin when im typin the word friends.i knw u cant see me.wat a crap.actually there was an incident where i was pushed away to somewhere and i was thinkin my friends wont do that.i was sobbering for the stupid things.i was thinking by myself y im crying?theres nothing to cry for.im just being too sensitive.its not like im not happy being here but only todayy im crying.it should be a month ago.what i hate the most is the rules.i cant wear the way i dressed outside.no skinny jeans.the top should be below the knee.im fine with it but sometimes this annoyed me as im not that kind of person who can change and adapt to the environment.i knw its my profession that i have to but i dont want to be hypocrite.i want my heart to do that not only physically.suddenly todayy im feelin like going home but there is no way.my home is too far away and im so tired to go home every week.i miss my family.listening to save you song by sp is like im yelling for a help.i wanna go home so badly.i want to be the old me.i dont want to change anything bout me.i like the way i was.singing stay close,dont go by secondhand serenade alone is not kool.i want to sing with my girls.i think i should stop.i dont want my eyes swollen as i have class tomorrow.