my heart's story

m glad that m home.at least i can forget all those things for a while.m just sick of their world.live in the world of faking.trying to please everybody.m happy todayy as i went to matrik 4 my lovely gf.i mean my kool gf.im so jeloss of u,eton.pkai braces color pink.i wanna that badly.hue spa nak sponsor?my sugar daddy?keeps on dreaming lah.btw they made my day ;) tomorrow m goin back to that place.such a lame and horrible place.ive got so many problems there.i guess i cant keep it anymore.im trying my hardest to be patience.the real intention of this boring post?m happy.thats it.

look at ur left side.she is trying to show her braces.its pink babe!

if u look carefully.i hve no expression.this is when m happy

sucks

life is sucks ryte?m pretty sure there must be this feeling once in ur life unless u r a weirdo or u always enjoy ur life and see life others than people's view. idk hw long i can stand with her.m pretending to be a nice girl who never gets angry but idk if i can stand any longer. wat i hate most is someone pretending to be nice in front of me but behind me talk shit and did something stupid.i knw my words are harsh to said that to her but honestly i couldnt stand anymore.i dont like people who trampled over me when m being nice to u. never think of me as a nice girl who accept all ur words and actions using my things carelessly.i knw u r a rich girl but m not.m only an ordinary girl who takes care of my things carefully.seriously m being patient for now.one more thing is i hate studying here.so old fashioned.my dream studying in university is useless.
pray for me so that i can accept the fact i need to study here for another 5 yrs.silly me.

rainy tears go away from my life

im having a big problem.my eyes are swollen as i cant stop crying.lately my life is miserable and i need a place to confess everything.i never been this sad before.as u know im studying in maktab ipoh.yesterdayy i've got a call from mara that i passed the interview so they called to inform me to register on 19 july at kolej mara seremban.i told my mom thinking she might give me some time to think bout it.my mom said okayy u think first and make a decision.last night my dad called to tell me that i should be staying here as im working under government not a department.okayy im crying thinking how my life has been decided by my parents.i told my mom to call mara to ask more details bout this things.then i knew just now the offered is for overseas means i have to stdy at kms for 2 yrs then i will fly to new zealand for 4 yrs if my pointers achieve their target.my mom and dad didnt allow me to leave this maktab.im fine with it but to stdy overseas is my dream since i was small.when i told my mom that is my dream she asked me to go there for holiday when im working later.to be honest im so frustrated.staying alone in this room makes my eyes teary again.i hope someone will understand me but i guess no one will never understand me.most of my friend said that it has fated for me to be here.i dont care if i have to stay here like 20 yrs as im comfortable staying here.i've got many understanding friends but it is my dream.is it wrong for me to chase my dream?when im sitting for spm they told me to get straight a's to stdy overseas but when i got it they asked me to follow their decision.im not talking bad bout my parents but im so dissapointed of them.u have got no idea how frustrated i am.i hope time can cure everything that i will delete this stupid decision form my life.i dont want to regret this later when i have kids.

homesick :(

its 12.15 pm and i couldnt sleep.i was chatting wit sya2 talking bout things in the past.she made me cry when she talked bout hw we used to hang out,hw she missed all of us.to be honest im freakin sensitive when u talk bout friends.see im cryin when im typin the word friends.i knw u cant see me.wat a crap.actually there was an incident where i was pushed away to somewhere and i was thinkin my friends wont do that.i was sobbering for the stupid things.i was thinking by myself y im crying?theres nothing to cry for.im just being too sensitive.its not like im not happy being here but only todayy im crying.it should be a month ago.what i hate the most is the rules.i cant wear the way i dressed outside.no skinny jeans.the top should be below the knee.im fine with it but sometimes this annoyed me as im not that kind of person who can change and adapt to the environment.i knw its my profession that i have to but i dont want to be hypocrite.i want my heart to do that not only physically.suddenly todayy im feelin like going home but there is no way.my home is too far away and im so tired to go home every week.i miss my family.listening to save you song by sp is like im yelling for a help.i wanna go home so badly.i want to be the old me.i dont want to change anything bout me.i like the way i was.singing stay close,dont go by secondhand serenade alone is not kool.i want to sing with my girls.i think i should stop.i dont want my eyes swollen as i have class tomorrow.

beginning of new life in ipg

assalamualaikum.hw r u my gorgeous reader?im great.tq.owh btw i will be a teacher!last week i was busy with orientation week.i only get 2 hours to sleep and i dont even have the tyme to eat.so i think i lost about 5kg.haha.there was a night where i couldnt sleep so i woke up.while waiting i made a quick decision that i want to take a bath earlier so that i didnt have to rush since we have to gather at 5am.on 3.45am i went to bathroom to take a shower.no one was there and the atmosphere was silence and scary like we watch horror movie.at that tyme i didnt think any of that.i took a long tyme to take a shower suddenly i heard the water tapping so i was thinking owh finally someones here but when i think about it i didnt hear any sound of shoe soles.then my heart beating faster i wish i can run away but i make myself relax.i put on towel as fast as i can and leave.i walk away.when i reached my room i grateful that im fine.when i told my friend this thing they warned me not to do it again.when i think bout it i never think that i have done that.it took courage and i dont have that.forget bout that.i love studying here.no pressure.awesome roomate.smell of hardwork and kool senior.i dont see anything bad.maybe im newbies so i dont knw much.to all my lovely gff i always love u.wish me the best.if i get 3.8 to 4 i will have the chance to further my studies in england for 2 yrs.hopefully my dream will come true.

my last word

assalamualaikum my lovely readers.u know wat?im 18 NOW.ow yeah!thank you eton,amal,nina,sya2 for ur presents.i love them.and thank u for ur hb wished.owh act my besday is not the reason im blogging.i made it!i mean i got ipg aka maktab.my brain got sick thinking where i want to go after this.u?matriks?maktab?so after thinking like crazy i made my last decision.i wanna go to maktab.i think this is the best for me.my parents support me damn much to choose maktab rather than others.the reason?surely i have the job.at first i dont wanna be a teacher but after thinking how hard these days to get a job i chose maktab.my aunt also a teacher.only a few years working,she can afford to buy honda city.being a teacher have a lot of free tyme.when im getting married for sure i wanna spend most of my tyme with my fam.i have to think for future.if i only think about wat i want to be without thinking of my future evrything will be useless.i accept all this as my fate.omg i cant wear my shawl anymore for the tyme being as i have to wear the casual outfit.white tudung,white baju kurung and black shoes.i will be goin to ipoh this june.i will miss my friend.i love u all.never ever think that i will be this far.im gonnna miss all our memories but dont forget me.i will post ur gift as u do.to my lovely friends who didnt get maktab maybe its not ur career in future.think in positive way.this is truly my last words to u.im not trying to cherish u but please take it as ur fate.im freakin sad that i didnt get mara.im being moody the whole day thinking bout that.when i rethink bout it i know its not my desire.i just want to success in the intvw bcause i dont want to be such a failure.plus if i get maktab and mara i dont knw wat to choose since some of my fam want me to choose mara and some maktab.but one thing for sure my parents want me to choose maktab.till we meet again girlfiriends.daaa

intvw mara

hey all.it has been ages since my last post.i wanna tell u something.finally i got interview mara.at first when i apply for mara i want this badly.but then when i need to go for an intvw i feel like cmon i dont wanna do this anymore.some sort of tired went for an intvw.but my mom told me to go and i feel like mybe i should go.i will decide later.so i went to shah alam for the intvw.one night b4 i called nina to ask her and she told me that they are going to ask us to make a bridge connecting two table using the spagheti.so i google for it but there are lots of them.so im not sure whether im gonna use the one that i google.when i was waiting outside the room with my group im freakin nervous.6 boys and 2 girls including me.we must sit according to the no given.so i have to sit between of them and the other girl sit at the end.idk wat to talk about.i heard most of them are 9 a's that makes me more scared to talk.then boy sitting beside me asked
b:skola mane?
i:asma
suddenly the other boy sitting next to me asked
b:sultanah asma?
i:ya
b:datang dri kedah
i:ya
b:datang smalam?
i:ya
datang ngan parents?
i:ya.
b:name ape?
i:**** *******
b:owh.
b:main pancaragam?
i:dak
b:ambk course ape?
i:tesl
so thats only our conversation.im not snobbish.it just that im so nervous that i cant talk.i wanna ask him back but im not comfortable since we sat too close.u can even see my pores thats y i hate it.but when the others heard  that i came from kedah they asked me this and that.afiq then tell us the plan to make the spagheti bridge.he told us to pretend to be shock like"owh spagheti' they are so funny and make me comfortable to be in their group.i didnt talk so much during the intvw.the boys overwheelming the girls.they talk a lot and even name the bridge.'our bridge''mara bridge' and even 'anggerik bridge' since we have to assemble at anggerik mall.the boy from penang wanna help me by asking me to tie the spagheti."do u wanna help me tie this?""no,idk but let me hold it"the boy even laugh when i said that.when the question being asked to me my answer have alot of 'and um'.the coclusion is i ruined my intvw.i should be comfortable with my surrounding

ps:i went to shah alam for the intvw.so im deadly tired.pray for me which path should i choose